It's hard to come in here and try to write something meaningful. I suppose that is where the first mistake is. I often ask myself if I'm enjoying life here. Most of the time the answer is yes, rarely it's no. Yet when I went home for Christmas I found that almost nothing had changed. Some friends had moved away, others had moved back, but no one seemed to be moving forward. In part that was welcome, a comfortable familiarity that I had missed here in Japan. But as the days stretched on I missed Japan more and more. There was a reason I wanted to escape after-all.
I know no one is reading this but it is cathartic.
When I saw the "skyline" of my old college town I had to stop myself from laughing out loud. I had once thought it to be impressive. That was before I saw the lights of Tokyo stretch to the horizon. Is this the kind of arrogance New Yorkers feel when they venture South? I recently told a co-worker that I wouldn't trade where I grew up for anything and I might want to raise a family there someday. When he asked me if I missed home my answer was an immediate "No."
I enjoy my roots for what they provided me, the person the made me into. But I enjoy them where they are, under the surface. It's time to focus on what's above ground now. I'm not saying that I'll never return, but I hope it isn't soon. It's too boring back there.